I Am Definitely Not Referring To Boxing. A Big Fat Crocodile Wedding.
- The English language is rife with homonyms. Examples of homonyms include words such as bands, mean, right, rock, and bat. The homonym I am deeply involved with over this weekend is the word ‘knockdown.’ The epitome of a homonym, knockdown to me refers to a term used in boxing. Think Jack Dempsey, Mike Tyson, Joe Louis, George Foreman, and Marvin Hagler. The knockdown of an opponent in the sport of boxing is celebrated as it sometimes results in the match being over.
Regarding the word knockdown, there has been no celebration in my household this weekend – as I was given “the gift that keeps on giving” – a beautiful double-Adirondack chair/table set that I will use and enjoy on my patio overlooking Lake Eola and downtown Orlando. I am excited about this really nice gift, something that I had my eye on for a few months, as I will use it often. Here is a photo of the gift already assembled as shown in the catalogue:
Two stool-height Adirondack chairs joined by a table that is easily able to handle one or two cocktail glasses. Tall enough to see over the balconies’ rail, this is a perfect gift to enjoy sunrise and sunset. The finished product can only be as good as it’s sum of its parts – a term never so relative when attempting to assemble this furniture.
This is the definition of knockdown (KD) furniture as described by Encyclopedia Britannica: “…is made of the “knockdown” type; that is, it can be taken to pieces and stacked flat and parts joined by different types of fittings.” Pieces and fittings would be the key words of this definition as the unpacking of this knockdown furniture unveiled twenty-eight pieces and 76 fasteners. A fact check:
Not alarming at all.
Of course, my tremendous background in carpentry and assembly makes this endeavor easy-peasy, especially when pulling out the large bag of fasteners and fittings, all seventy-six of them:
The two wrenches – thank you for those!
Notice how the manufacturer does everyone a solid by including tools such as a wrench and Allen key – really fantastic thinking on the part of their product manager!
Not to be outdone, the product manager obviously thought through the dynamics of assembly and included twelve pages of instructions. More importantly, at the top of page two, the manufacturer clearly states that if you run into issues with assembly, or the twenty-eight parts, or the 76 fasteners, to contact “their friendly customer service department…, etc.” What is actually fascinating about this Contact Us directive is that nowhere in the instructions, in or on the box, or in the hardware bag, are any references on HOW to contact the manufacturer – no phone number or email address to be found.
Tremendous Customer Service
I am sure that the product manager is the only one laughing their ass off this weekend. My gift is direct from the manufacturer, not from IKEA, who many of us have had the wonderful experience of assembling their furniture. “Things never said by couple assembling Ikea furniture” has never sounded so true:
I would expand on this weekend’s dilemma but I am obviously very busy. Genuine fun and with complete sincerity I am very grateful to receive this gift. 🙂
- Headline of the Week: “Mexican mayor weds crocodile ‘princess’ in age-old ritual for good luck.” As another fact check, here is the mayor’s bride:
I have no words.