Up, Up And Away.

“….and what can I do to make your flight more enjoyable?”

Some of us have traveled for many years. Air travel for both business and pleasure has “pressurized” since 9/11 due to the subsequent and necessary security measures invoked by the Transportation Security Administration and other governing bodies. The upside is that the ability to check in using an airline’s app, TSA Pre-Check, and CLEAR have made getting through security a bit easier. Then of course is the cattle call of the boarding process, and the inevitable time consuming passengers who just can’t seem to navigate getting their carry on’s down the aisle and figuring out how their bag fits in the overhead bin. I sort of equate it to the square peg in a round hole syndrome. https://youtu.be/gFH991-uNOQ

After the monotonous boarding process, with most passengers seated, the fun starts with flight attendant announcements, messages, and demonstrations. Over my many years of travel I had always wanted to document some of the experiences I have had listening to flight attendants and neighboring passengers. Note: I do have the upmost respect for most flight attendants as they have a difficult and mostly thankless job. With all that said, the following are some top of mind takes with the world of airline flight attendants and fellow passengers:

I just smile when I hear the sincerity from a flight attendant: “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to make your flight more enjoyable.” Really? Enjoyable? Maybe potable water? An in-flight magazine that has not previously been manhandled by 500 passengers? A shower, with soap, for the passenger who obviously just played eighteen holes? How about giving the moron behind me a quarter to call someone who cares about his ‘ridiculous travel schedule’.

I love the announcement and demonstration on how to fasten your seat belt. “Insert the flat metal tab into the buckle, then blah, blah blah” . . . If a passenger doesn’t know how to use a seat belt, he or she probably shouldn’t be on a plane unattended. Just sayin’.

This is always comforting: “In case of the loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the overhead panel. Put the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally. Seriously? I can be a very brave man, but if a gaping hole opens in the cabin, I don’t think I’m going to be breathing “normally.”

This is my favorite: “In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. Let’s see, if I’m hurtling toward the ocean at 500 mph, I’m afraid I’m going to use my seat cushion for something other than a flotation device.

Again, most flight attendants are fantastic so I want to make sure that my readers know that I am not slamming them. On the other hand, what about the incessant, loud-talking passengers who have no regard for the people sitting around them? I will try not to be rude (no comment, Samir), but I have thought of some tactics to avoid or put off talkative air travelers. Here are a few:

I’m sorry. Did you say something or are the voices back?

Would you like to hear about my amazing multi-level marketing opportunity?

Yo no hablo Inglés.

Typhoid isn’t contagious, is it?

This is my first time on a plane. I feel so sick to my stomach.

I’m sorry, but I have to put my ear buds in so I can listen to my favorite sermon.

I do not condone the ‘f-bombs’ Chris D’Elia uses in his rant about over-talkers on planes…but he does have a point. Caution: if you are sensitive to foul language, do not click on this video:

A rant about over-talkers on airplanes.

All of us deal with the airport and airplane experience. For many reasons, I am way more tolerant these days but sometimes you just have to shake your head.

Adios, pay it forward, and have a Funday Sunday!!

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