Sunday Cynic V.3

What Really Is Fake News?

Ace Hardware and Home Depot stores in Mexican cities near the United States border are reporting record sales of all types of saws. No reason for the spike in sales have been reported by these retailers.

Reversing their position on weight loss for the seventh time in two years, Harvard’s Medical School has issued this directive: calorie intake is just as important as exercise to impact your weight loss goals. Protesters were seen outside of McDonald’s and Taco Bell voicing their concerns over this earth-shattering information.

Japan has an annual fish auction. A restaurant owner paid $4,902.00 a pound for a bluefish tuna. Total spend on this fish: $3M. I would explain more but I just can’t.

This year’s Consumer Electronics Show again has some very interesting technology to introduce. The introduction of 5G, electric scooters, smart speakers, and roll-up television screens should be leading the way for the 180,000 attendees. Then there is Kohler’s voice-command toilet, allowing you to speak to your toilet to flush, change the MOOD lighting, and set the level of heating on the seat. Obviously I am confused as Kohler’s market research clearly reveals that people utilize the toilet for many reasons I am not privy to.

Alabama and Clemson battle tomorrow night for the college football national championship. It is reported that Alabama’s starting quarterback Tua Tagovailoa┬áis reportedly bringing 405 ‘family members’ to the game in Santa Clara, California. My simple math: 405 tickets at an average price of $100.00 per ticket = $40,500.00. Let’s hope this is fake news?

Jim Cramer, a leading pundit of the stock market, was seen purchasing a BOGO coupon for a NYC-based psychiatrist. No specific reason was given.

Chelsea Football Club purchased American superstar Christian Pulisic from Dortmund FC for $73M. If Christian Pulisic is worth $73M to Chelsea, what is Atlanta United’s Miguel Almiron worth on the open market? We should find out soon as the winter transfer market is open until January 31.

It is reported that the Florida Department of Transportation, who oversees the massive redevelopment of Interstate 4, has decided to call it quits on further progress. After hearing that the construction will take another $100M and eight additional months, the Board voted 5-4 to just let bad be bad.

Adios and Have a Funday Sunday!!

2 thoughts on “Sunday Cynic V.3”

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